that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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