it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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