i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
