I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
