OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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