the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
