Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
