You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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