i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
