update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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