I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
