U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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