I cannot find my penis.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
