it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were trust falling into bushes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
