its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
