i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
