franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
