I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
