You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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