Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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