Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
