porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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