There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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