he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
