I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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