My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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