Where is the hickey?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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