Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
