Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
