So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The air was thick with penises
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
