he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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