I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
