..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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