my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
