Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
