Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Randomize
