It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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