I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
