u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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