She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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