I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
