mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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