I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
