It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
