She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
