bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
