I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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