She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
