last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
