can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
