What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
