You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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