I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
