Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
